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Ralph Ritchie

Resume for our "Environmental" President:
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH
> 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
> Washington, DC 20520
>
> EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE
>
> LAW ENFORCEMENT
> I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
> influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
> license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost"
> and is not available.
>
> MILITARY
> I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take
> a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the
> Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
>
> COLLEGE
> I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a
> cheerleader.
>
> PAST WORK EXPERIENCE
> I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil
> business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find
> any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
>
> I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
> Took and using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our friends in
> The oil industry, including Enron CEO Ken Lay, I was elected governor of
> Texas.
>
> ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS
> I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies,
> Making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston
> replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America. I cut
> taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed
> money. I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American
> history
>
> With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's
> appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by
> over 500,000 votes.
>
> ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT
> I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a
> criminal record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of
> over one billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively
> bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the record for the largest annual
> deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record for most private
> bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. I set the all-time record
> for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the all-time record for
> the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.
>
> In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs
> and that trend continues every month.
>
> I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
> administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza
> Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most
> campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I am the all-time U.S. and
> world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations. My
> largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
> Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S.
> History, Enron.
>
> My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to
> assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision. I
> have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or
> prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica
> Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate
> rip- offs in history.
>
> I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused
> to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed. I
> presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history. I changed
> the U.S policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government
> contracts. I appointed more convict! ed crimi nals to administration than any
> President in U S. history. I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest
> bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
>
> I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S.
> history. I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations
> remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the U.S.from the
> World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners
> of war detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
> I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election
> inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). I set the record for fewest numbers
> of press conferences of any President since the advent of television. I
> set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period.
> After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst
> security failure in U.S. history. I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S.
> after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S.
> the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world
> history.
>
> I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
> simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record
> for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
>
> I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
> pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so
> against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the
> world community. I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and
> support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their
> families-in-wartime. In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for
> attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends. I am the first
> President in his! tory to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my
> presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security. I am
> supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. I
> have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden [sic] to
> justice
>
> RECORDS AND REFERENCES
> All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's
> library sealed and unavailable for public view. All records of SEC
> investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in
> secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records or minutes from meetings that
> I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed
> in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
>
> I am a member of the Republican Party.
>
> PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN THE 2006 MIDTERM
> ELECTIONS FOR THOSE WHO SUPPORTED ME.
>
> PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.

Ed Leczek

I'd rather vote for Willie Horton!

Ed Leczek

I'd rather vote for
Willie Horton!

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